


Snape’s Second Adventure

by Bonfoi



Series: Severus Sighs 3rd Anniversary [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure, Anniversary, Challenge Response, Community: severus_sighs, HP: EWE, M/M, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 06:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonfoi/pseuds/Bonfoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faking his death was only the beginning of Severus Snape’s adventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snape’s Second Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> **Challenge:** Severus_Sighs’ [Third Anniversary Celebration, including the actual date: 2 October 2011](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/severus_sighs/162360.html)   
> **Warnings:** Swearing; Giddy-with-Escape!Snape; Original Character  
>  **A/N:** Looked over by the lovely and talented  Sighing Selkie  and complimented for not making her work. Man, I am so lucky to have met Sighing Selkie. Thank you, Severus_Sighs! **Prompt:** 1001 Ways To Fake Your Own Death

_Who would have thought Severus Snape had whimsy in his soul? Why, Remus Lupin, that’s who!_

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**_Disclaimer:_** The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was made from the writing of this story nor was any malice intended in any way, shape or form to the author or the actors/actresses who so brilliantly have brought them to life. 

This author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country.

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Remus Lupin searched frantically through the disused Potions laboratory. He shoved delicate crystal bottles and decanters aside, the clinking a light counterpoint to his harsh breaths. He pulled large canisters filled with potions ingredients from the high shelves, shuddering when the ingredients responded to his actions.

“God damn it! Where did he hide it?” Remus muttered.

“Loopy loony Lupin wants something from Snape the Terrible?” Peeves taunted from where his head and shoulders stuck through the door.

“Bloody interfering poltergeist,” Remus fumed under his breath before he turned to look at Peeves. He calmed himself just enough to glare at Peeves. “What do you want, Peeves?”

“Snape the Terrible, Snape the Dark, he’s gone and got hisself killed,” sang Peeves, “an’ all the world thinks it’s a lark, Snape the Bastard’s blood’s been spilled.”

Remus saw red and sent a protoplasm dispelling hex at Peeves, trapping him as a spot in the thick oak door. “You’re a poor example of a wanna-be ghost, Peeves. I’ll be certain to send the Bloody Baron to pull you back together.” The spot bubbled, quivered, exploded, and shook at those words and Remus grinned wickedly. He slammed the laboratory door behind, the spot slipping from its position to slide down to ooze around the lowest hinge.

The Slytherin Dungeons were silent, but for Remus’ rapid heel strikes. He rounded the corner and passed other classrooms and the entrance to the Slytherin Dorm, its concealing painting hanging open. He ignored everything but Severus’ door, a darker wood—ebony?—in the limited light. _It has to be here,_ Remus thought desperately as he began dismantling Snape’s wards. _Please be here._

~~o)O(o~~

Breaking Severus Snape’s wards had been a chore, but nothing too difficult. If Remus had thought on it, he’d have wondered, but he was in a hurry, trying to find…

“Where _is_ that damned list?” he growled. He tossed cushions and students’ papers alike, scattering everything in his haste. Finally, he made a frustrated sound and set cleaning and straightening spells loose to rectify the damage he’d done in Severus’ living room.

“Ye tore the poor mon’s home ta pieces, ye silly arse.” 

Remus looked around for the voice that was chiding him.

“Up here, ye barmy lupus.”

Remus looked up to find a faun sporting a Scottish tam and a tartan sash glaring down at him from a windswept scene. He could almost smell the heather depicted there, swaying in an unfelt breeze. “Hello, there. I’m Rem—”

“Ye’re Lupin. ‘Nuff said.” The faun sniffed superiorly. _Much like Snape,_ Remus mused silently.

“Well, it’s so nice that you know who I am, but who the hell are you?” Remus’ all too short temper flared as his eyes darted around, still looking for Snape’s list.

“Oi’m tha damned faun that’ll crisp yer arse if ye keep pawing through Sever’s things!” the painted being declared. He crossed his arms and stared, hard, at Remus’ twitching right hand. “An’ no wandwork’ll deter me, ye raggedy beastie!”

Remus took a deep breath through his nose and counted to ten, backwards and forwards in Greek, before opening his mouth. “I need to find a list Severus had. It’s important,” he finally spit out.

“Ye mean tha list o’ ways to fake his dyin’, eh?” the faun said softly. He leaned forward, almost coming out of his frame. “Why didn’ ye say so, mon!” he admonished. “ _Alakazam!_ ” 

A hidden drawer popped out of the mantle as the faun capered about in the heather. Remus reached for the scroll sitting so innocently in the drawer. “You know, that’s no incantation.”

“Oi’m a ruddy paintin’, boy! Of course I canna do magic.” The faun turned and patted his arse with two fingers, making certain Remus saw the action before saying anything more. “Severus knew Oi’d be good fer keepin’ secrets, fer openin’ and closin’ things,” he muttered over his shoulder.

“Well, thank you,” Remus said as he unrolled the scroll, scanning the list they’d made while drowning their sorrows, or Remus’ sorrows and Severus’ ill-contained glee, at Sirius Black’s death. The writing was cramped but still legible; even Remus’ scrawl was bold, often expanding on Severus’ possible methods of faking his death, and how to create another life afterwards.

One method stood out to Remus, underlined with both their inks. He looked up at the painting, noticing the faun had grown smaller in the distance. A faint shout came to him. “Ye’d best stir yer stumps, beastie! Sever’s’ got a day’s jump on ye. An’ when ye catch him, tell him Cicero would ‘a sent brandy, but a werewolf was all he could find!” The faun disappeared over the heathered horizon with a flick of his small tail, leaving Remus laughing.

“Oh, you truly are Severus Snape’s painting,” he murmured even as he began silently summoning robes and potions to him, letting them sort themselves out into ranks on the rug before the fireplace. He had to be ready for when Severus’ “death” came to light.

~~o)O(o~~

Harry told everyone about finding Snape in the Shrieking Shack, about how the memories had been shoved into his head by the dying wizard, about how Snape’s dark eyes had dimmed and that silky voice—roughened by Nagini’s violence—had broken and stilled. _The Daily Prophet_ and _The Quibbler_ reporters had eaten it up with bloody spoons, painting Severus Snape as the Second Hero of the Second Voldemort War and helping push through Severus’ Order of Merlin – Second Class with relative ease. A year of celebrations commenced.

Remus ignored everything but the _in absentia_ ceremony for Severus. With a gentle goodbye to Harry and Minerva, he’d left Hogwarts and followed the notations on their list: the apothecary to the Queen Mum, the amazing feats of prestidigitation by a strangely enigmatic Brit, an evocative performer in the West End, even the conductor on the Chunnel Train. Severus had wanted to see the world, testing his spy skills as he truly lived once more. Remus followed along, finding clues in the descriptions of Severus’ looks, his verbiage, even his dexterous hands. It was in Paris he actually caught sight of Severus and followed him to the French Riviera…

“… You’d think it would have been First Class, but then I’d have been on an equal footing with Potter,” Snape quipped as he folded the French newspaper into quarters, “and that would have been too much, wouldn’t it, Lupin?” He reached over and dragged a strawberry through the last bit of chocolate-hazelnut crème adhering to Remus’ chest. 

“Um…yeah.” Remus couldn’t concentrate when Severus made _that_ shape with his very mobile mouth. 

“You were saying?” he asked after Severus had licked the rest of the crème from his skin, delicately, like a cat.

“Hm, yes, I was commenting on the inequities of honorifics, Lupin. Do keep up…” Severus flicked a long finger against Remus’ cock and smirked. “That kind of keeping up is what got you here in the first place…Remus.” 

“I’ll keep up with you however you want me to, Severus.” Remus reached out and tugged at Severus’ lightened tresses, marveling at how the soft brown brought out the color in his lover’s remarkable eyes. “I’m just glad I remembered your list of possibilities.”

“Yes. That list…you still have it?” Severus asked, squirming closer to press his revived interest against Remus’ hip. “I’m tempted to work my way through it.”

Remus laughed. “If getting past Cicero the faun was anything to go by, I’d be a fool to lose that list.” Remus turned onto his side so he could trail his fingers over Severus’ ribs. “Besides, I _like_ your job as a hair stylist on the Riviera, but it’s your ‘afterlife’, so whatever you want.” He pulled Severus close enough to thoroughly kiss and grope, a process that went from one minute to a full half-hour filled with some grunting, some begging, and a satisfactory bit of coital bliss.

~~o)O(o~~

Severus closed his shop— _Snip ‘n Snipe_ —with a sigh and pulled his lover after him. He was looking forward to starting over somewhere else for the season, making certain that fuzzy images of him appeared in several newspapers and ruined a great many breakfasts still.

“So, Remus, how would you like to fuck an acrobat?” Severus asked with a leer. They wove between Muggle and Magical tourists alike as they made their way to a designated Apparation Point.

“I’d say I was a damned lucky man,” Remus replied with a grin. He stopped suddenly and tugged on Severus’ arm, bringing him to a halt. “If that man’s you, well, let’s just say I’m twice blessed.” They embraced, kissing, as the crowd flowed around them.

When they broke apart, both of them were flushed. “What say we stride very, very quickly to that Apparition Point and find someplace to work on your _flexibility_ , Severus?” Remus asked in a husky voice.

“Er, yes.” Severus blinked and then turned, leading the way once more. “Remind me to run my next ‘life’ past you in a more conducive place. Throwing you down on the sidewalk and having my wicked way with you might be too much, even for the French.”

“Oh, I think they’d get over it, Severus. I mean, a werewolf and a ghost making love in public? It would be something to write home about, wouldn’t it?” Remus laughed as he rubbed shoulders with Severus. “It would definitely make it one for the tour guides, eh?” 

Remus stepped closer. “I’m so very glad I came after you.”

Severus turned into the Apparation Point and pulled his lover into a loose embrace. “I’m _glad_ you didn’t give up, Remus.”

“Well, you’re sharing the time of your ‘afterlife’ with me. How could I miss having such an adventure with you?” Whichever one of them was thinking straight Side-Along Apparated them away with a muted pop.

A tall redhead blinked rapidly and then shook his head. “Naw. Can’t be,” he muttered. He kept staring at the Apparation Point they themselves had stepped out of not ten minutes before.

“Honestly, Ron. You think you see Snape everywhere these days,” his wife chided. “Now, c’mon. I want to visit that hair salon. They say the man does wonders with curly hair.”

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_~~~ Comments, like rain in the desert, are greatly appreciated.  
Thank you for reading. ~~~_


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